We’ve all heard about how hard new parenthood is on a marriage. When I was pregnant, my friend’s boyfriend told me why he had gotten a divorce from his first wife:
“You’re in love, you get married, you have a baby. When the baby turns 5 you look at each other and go ‘who are you and why are you in my bed?’ “
I always remembered his words, but still, my hubby and I turned into a baby-care machine. We were a good team, but there was no time for a date night, our schedules were different (we were both in school and working), and we started calling each other mommy and daddy.
When my daughter was 4, I realized how disconnected from him I felt as my beloved, and decided we needed more than a movie to change that.
So I suggested – ok, demanded – that we start meditating together.
He’s not big into meditation, but agreed to 2 minutes at night before bed, and 5 minutes each weekend morning.
The results surprised even me, a 10-year meditation addict. The “why didn’t he _____” slipped away. The “I just wish he would ______” dissipated.
We felt connected again, almost instantly. We got our sense of humor back.
We started using each other’s names again. We started WANTING to go to movies together.
Now, my daughter sits on our bed with us on Saturday mornings while we meditate, and it’s a beautiful way to start the weekend together as a family.
This is how meditation and yoga practices can work for families – they connect you on the deepest level, so you can more easily deal with the challenges that arise. And they teach the little ones how to tap in to something wonderful within themselves.
Keep it simple: just sit up in bed and close your eyes before sleep (for tighter hips, sit on the edge of the bed or up on some pillows).
Go into the spaces between the thoughts, and let them float by. Become as spacious as you can, like the sky.
That’s it! When I’ve been meditating consistently, I sleep better, wake up more refreshed, and am generally more likable. He doesn’t really notice, but so is he.
If you notice that he’s more into his screen than you before bed, my advice for new parents is take 2 minutes to let go together, to unplug, and tap in.
He might not “believe” in it, but let him humor you. And it might not happen until things have settled down enough that you can go to bed at the same time (for some this might be more than a year!), but when both let the flow of well-being move through you again before bed, you might just start feelin’ the love again.
