When we begin any co-creative journey – whether it’s a yoga pose or becoming a mom – we start by inviting spaciousness in.
We breathe and release into the support of the earth, and we remember we are not in charge.
This is the most essential concept for fertility.
When people say “we’re going to get pregnant this year,” I try and steer them toward language like “we’re removing obstacles.”
The moment we are in that Type-A, more masculine “I got this” mentality, we are constricting.
But when we remember that there are bigger forces at work, that the best thing we can do is support the flow of prana – we become more receptive and open.
I remember trying to get pregnant. In the beginning it was of course fun. But after about six months of trying, it’s no longer just having a lot of sex.
This is the moment when I consider the fertility journey beginning. First thing – go see a specialist. You can get wonderful information that will help you as you proceed.
And then, the advice starts. I heard it all – go to Hawaii, drink a glass of wine every night, meditate holding this special stone, align your pelvis, ground your energy, nurture some plants, DON’T nurture plants or your body will think it’s already nurturing something…
And when you see that blood and you know it’s another month that has come and gone without a baby, give yourself a day. My go-to show was Sex in the City. I would just watch episode after episode and cry.
As a yoga teacher, I thought maybe there was a way to avoid the pain of it. I would try not to hope. But hope is another thing we don’t get to control. It rises up within us like a fire and we cannot look away. It brightens everything. Allow it to light up your life. And then let yourself go into the darkness. I know this is not that helpful but it’s all I got.
Remember, your actions do not determine whether you will get pregnant or not. Many, many variables must all come together at exactly the right time, in exactly the right way, for this to happen; and we just don’t get to control whether and when this happens.
My fertility journey was when I came to understand alignment in a way I never had before. Before this I had always thought that if you align with your deepest intentions 100%, then you’ll manifest them.
But as powerful as intentions are – we don’t get to control the universe. It’s always at play – lila (I named my daughter this).
Actually, it’s more like this: if we align with our intentions 100%, we will be ready and receptive if and when the universe offers it up.
And it might not be on our schedule, or in the form we imagine. We don’t control time and space.
But if we align 100% with our deepest desire – let’s say it’s to become a mother – it could happen eventually as it did for me, after two and a half years.
It was a random month when my husband’s mom got sick so he left on Day 11 – and didn’t return til Day 21. It shouldn’t have happened. And yet it did.
What did I do different? I did a lot of yoga, because he was away so I had time… and I was definitely not in the “I gotta make this happen” frame of mine. More feminine. More allowing.
But is that what got my pregnant? I don’t think so. A million microscopic little miracles had to happen that had very little to do with me. I’m sure the yoga had an affect… But it’s not what made it happen.
And for many it doesn’t go like that. And it’s not because they weren’t feminine enough. It’s not because they didn’t drink enough wine or hold a rock. It’s because it’s not up to us.
And in these times, staying connected to our intention means remembering that we don’t get to control time OR space. Maybe it will happen in a different form.
My friend had hit 42 and still hadn’t met the right guy. So, she took a fostering class thinking she would foster to adopt – maybe a preschooler, or older.
One day after her class ended, she got a call saying someone had left a 4 day old baby at the hospital. She didn’t have any baby clothes. We figured it out.
We don’t get to decide when or in what form. But aligning with our intention can help us be ready and receptive if and when the universe offers it up.
In the meantime, create the happiest home for baby possible.
Do therapy, bodywork, acupuncture, exercise.
Clean your closets.
Start implementing those healthy habits you always meant to.
Become the “Ma” you want to be.
Here are some ways to bide your time that might be useful:
Read Books – Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler; The Fertile Female by Julia Indichova; Making Babies by Sami David, The Infertility Cure by Randine Lewis.
Get to Know Your Cycle by Charting – www.fertilityfriend.com
Do Fertility Acupuncture – At the very least you will leave feeling calm and grounded. At most, it will help clear your energetic channels and support fertility. Studies have shown that acupuncture done during IVF can increase the chances of getting pregnant substantially. Have a fertility specialist on your team! Here are some great ones in LA:
Larisa Boyd, L.Ac FABORM CEFP – Altadena – http://healingblossom.com/
Susan Minich, Nurse Midwife/Certified Acupuncturist
Get Free Info – www.resolve.org and other websites. Take everything with a grain of salt though – just file it away as “someone said” unless you know and trust the source.
Have a Consultation with an Infertility Doctor – If you are still having fun, put this off. But if things feel tough, and you want to do everything possible to make this happen, it’ll be the best investment. I recommend Norit Winkler, if you can get to Tarzana.
Use Sperm-Friendly Lube – It’s called Pre-Seed. Available online.
Drink natural herbs – from Susun Weed’s Wise Woman Herbal, Childbearing Year – She recommends:
Infuse Red Clover Flowers plus a teaspoon of any kind of Mint in a quart of water for 4 hours. Drink infusion freely throughout the day for several months.
Others supplements to look into: Nettle leaves, Red Raspberry leaves, Dong Quai root, False Unicorn root, and Calcium/Magnesium. Always check with a health care provider you trust before ingesting anything.
Eat mostly vegetables and fruits: Avoid wheat, dairy, and sugar. If you must eat them, eat them in the middle of the day, when you have the most digestive enzymes. Start the day with a green smoothie – add 2 handfuls of leafy greens from the farmer’s market or dandelion leaves from your back yard. Intelligent food helps to wake up the intelligence of our cells, and intelligent cravings.
Go to sleep by 10, wake up early, meditate. Picture yourself holding baby, then let it all go and become as spacious in your mind as possible. Be open to receiving – but know that you are not in charge.
Do Yoga –
Of course I’m partial to alignment-based yoga – this will release tight groins, and create an open, strong container through which prana can flow.
When we get stressed, we tend to lift our energy up. It’s as if we’re saying “I have to do this alone – I can’t even have the support of gravity.”
Our groin muscles are the first responders to stress, and they block prana from flowing downward.
So bringing watery, flowy movements to the pelvis – and supporting it with a gentle hug of the leg and hip muscles – can help our nervous system settle, and our prana flow in its optimal way.
But any yoga – as long as it leaves you feeling better than before you did it, and reminds you that you are not in charge – is better than no yoga.
I have received so much help from teachers, practitioners and my experience as a Yoga Lifestyle Educator both in western settings as well as in Ayurveda – I am grateful for the opportunity to share it with my teacher trainees, and we are here to help you do everything you can do to move forward on your path to becoming a mom.
