As my birth teacher and mentor used to love to say, “We get the birth we get.”
Of course, listening to her in her classes at her home, I secretly I felt that because I was eating organic kale and doing lots of yoga so MY birth was going to be perfect…
Not so much.
It turned out to be a 3-day epic journey that ended in a Cesarean, but I feel so much gratitude to her and all of my amazing support team whenever I think back on it.
For instance, I resisted my desire to go into the kitchen for cookies when my birth instructor was talking about Cesareans. I was sure it wouldn’t be me, but as a prenatal yoga teacher, I figured I should get all the info I could.
She mentioned that while mom’s being sewn up, baby can be skin-to-skin with daddy. It stuck in my brain, and when we finally decided that because of my fever and her position we would do a Cesarean, we asked for this to happen.
While I lay there after the surgery, I knew they were together and she was warm and happy. And they will always have this moment together.
After 20 years of witnessing the journey from pregnant to mom, I know that birth rarely goes as planned.
But that’s exactly the point of a Birth Plan.
There are so many decision-making moments throughout labor, and it’s really hard in the stupor of hormones and pain to make clear decisions.
When we consider all of our options and write down our preferences for different circumstances, our team can help make our desires happen.
There’s lots of “if everything is within normal limits, I would like…” and “in the case of…”.
Writing a Birth Plan is a great opportunity to sit down with your partner and talk about what you would want in different scenarios, so you’re on the same page.
Life happens while we’re making plans, and labor is a big example of that.
But labor does have a finite number of ways things can go, and there are lots of choices you can make in advance that will give you pleasure every time you remember your birth.
Even if your birth goes in a surprising direction, there are choices you can make in advance that will make it easier to handle later.
I hope these tips for writing a birth plan help you release some anxiety and feel more confident as you prepare for your labor and postpartum experience.
Birth Plan Tip 1: Learn about your birth place’s policies.
Before writing your wishes down, make a call or go online to see what’s already in place. Your chosen birth place might surprise you. They may already be on the same page about something that matters to you.
For instance, if skin-to-skin after birth is something you wish to experience and you’re birthing with a “Baby Friendly” designated hospital, their routine care policy already includes immediate skin-to-skin.
You might add that if you end up having a Cesarean, you’d like your baby to be skin-to-skin with your partner.
If you know what the routine care practices & policies are, you can address what you want to be done differently on paper and with your care team.
If you’re having a hard time finding out about your birth place, reach out to doulas who attend births regularly at that facility and get feedback on what they see as standard care practice.
Birth Plan Tip 2: Keep it short, simple, and respectful.
Research shows that medical staff often disregards lengthy birth plans. Some studies even indicate that care providers unconsciously deem birthing people with extended, detailed birth plans as “more difficult patients.”
Many doulas and childbirth educators suggest that your birth plan contain only the most critical aspects of your wishes. Bullet points and a simple black font can go a long way, too, for easy reading!
Another insider trick to make it easy for your care team to notice? Attach your birth plan to an energy-giving, nourishing snack for the nurses and staff.
Birth Plan Tip 3: Don’t let the paper replace human interaction.
Birth plans can be a valuable tool, especially for families discussing what is important to them during birth. However, the little sheet of paper shouldn’t ever take the place of having a conversation with nurses, midwives, and doctors on your birth team.
There’s nothing more productive to communication than looking into someone’s eyes and explaining why something is important to you as an individual or family.
Asking questions of your care team, to know them as individuals, and having a real conversation about your values is the best way to get respectful care in any setting.
Your birth plan can help guide these conversations, serving as a reminder of your original intentions for birth as you walk your path.
Birth Plan Tip 4: Take a Comprehensive, No-Slant Birth Prep Class.
It’s so important to connect to both your own inner wisdom, as well as outer guidance and knowledge.
When you’re looking for classes, make sure they are non-judgmental, and they prepare you for everything.
If they promise a natural birth, a home birth, or no pain… it can give you part of the picture, but not the whole picture.
Many moms find themselves feeling like they did something wrong if they only prepare for one kind of birth, and they end up having another.
This “wrong” feeling can really last, and takes a lot of work to heal from.
Instead, find a no-slant class (we offer a wonderful birth prep class live or self-paced online, The Yoga of Birth).
You’ll learn the pro’s and con’s of all your choices, so you can make the best ones for YOU.
Birth Plan Tip 5: Also Write Your Birth Intentions.
While your birth plan will express your preferences and desires for outer actions, your birth intentions are about your inner experience.
What qualities do you want to stay connected to?
What longings in your heart will motivate you forward?
What mantras, visualizations, or other reminders will take you to that place within, where you are all-powerful and all-knowing?
Get some tips for writing your Birth Intentions here.
You get the birth you get… and yet you can either feel prepared for or surprised by what happens.
I hope you’ll take some time to learn about your choices in different situations. It can be scary to examine all the possibilities, but by avoiding thinking about different outcomes, we can actually make them feel bigger than they are, create resistance against them, and thus possibly help make them happen.
We don’t make negative outcomes happen by learning about them.
We can simply choose how we want to respond, inside and out.
