New Mom Guide: Advice for New Moms
In most of the world, new mothers have a very special role and are nurtured and supported in ways that help them with this major life transition. Many cultures have a period of 40 days in which mothers and babies are kept separate, safe, and given time to bond and fall in love.
This is an area where America falls very short. Here there is not much support for new families, many of us live far away from our extended families and often partners have to return to work after only a short leave.
It’s not surprising that post-partum depression is very common in this country. Sometimes this depression is really exhaustion, as new mothers struggle to come to terms with the changes in their life, deal with loss of sleep and try to keep up with much of the routine they had in place before they had their baby!
Many of us have never spent time around a newborn until we have a baby ourselves, for this reason, it can also be invaluable to spend time with other new mothers. Connecting with a group of mothers who share similar values and have babies near the same age, can make a big difference. A support group provides a forum for answering questions that come up, for discovering what is developmentally normal, and for making friends with others who are going through the same things as you.
If you are feeling that being a mother is harder than you thought, you may be surprised to discover that others in the group are experiencing the same thing. The challenges you’re facing may be more bearable when you hear from another mom that they will go away as your baby gets bigger; and, of course, new challenges will come up in their place. Talking to other new moms can give you a sense of what to expect, and just having a chance to share can make all the difference in how you feel about being a new mother.
Every mother and every child deserves a supportive community. In a large city, and in a culture where there is no good support system in place, sometimes we must work to create our own community and to find our own tribe.
The path to doing this is not clearly marked, but the value of this cannot be overstated. Finding a mom support group, playgroup, or even just a few new mamas to have a weekly play date with can help you find the loving connection and support that every new family deserves.
Nancy Beyda has been a birth doula and childbirth educator for the past fifteen years. She is the proud mother of three children. Nancy teaches prenatal yoga and leads support groups for new mothers at Bini Birth Loft and at her home in Hollywood. You can find details about her new mom support groups at http://www.nancybeyda.com/.
